Meet Angelica Carr
Her thoughts on motherhood:
Motherhood was something I always wanted to experience. There was something about the little beings one has to raise and look after that always fascinated me. I didn’t really care for the husband or the house that you are told you should have before the baby. I just wanted one of my own and as anxious as I was it didn’t happen as easily as i thought. After many misfortunes in my early twenties, i began to believe that motherhood wasn’t meant to be and just forgot about it.
Then one day I felt my 30’s approaching and realized I still didn’t have one of my own. I enjoyed being around my godchildren and children of my friends, but hated hearing them ask me why I didn’t go have one of my own. Were they being genuine in saying so? I never thought so. Yes rub it in my face you have and I don’t. They just didn’t understand that due to loosing so many, I made up my mind I wouldn’t have any. The negativity was playing on me and I just gave up.
One night, I said to my boyfriend, all I want is to come home to my children everyday. I’ve partied enough and enjoyed being selfish with my life. And he looked at me and said your wish is my command. But I stopped him right there… You nar breed me and have me as no baby mother!… We discussed it then forgot about it until one day at work I felt weird. Went straight to a doctor and found out not only was I pregnant, but there were two visible sacs. The wave of emotions was instant. Elated. Sad. Worried. Anxious. Denial. Excitement. Proud.
I’m having unexpected twins.
This too, after almost in the final stages of pregnancy was lost. I was devasted……….
However, with the love and support from my boyfriend, our family and friends, we overcame and six months later I was pregnant again. To me too soon. Yet this baby seemed a fighter and for that I knew this was the one. Finally! Until i found myself in the hospital again this time with gestational diabetes and stayed there for three weeks. But this baby kept on fighting and I was not giving up either. We overcame and this baby was coming.
My son arrived and instantly my maternal instincts flared. His perfect little body and his unique facial expressions stole my heart forever. I am the proud mother of a son I named Alexander for he would be nothing but great in this life.
Again, I was thrown into uncertainty. Jaundice, murmur in the heart and afterwards eczema – I panicked as i do very well but after many tests and reassurances my little fighter passed all that.
Today, when he comes to me and throw his little arms around my neck, I realize there is nothing else in the world I would put above my son. My heart belongs to no one else. It was not easy being responsible for this tiny human but it felt natural. I often say to his father its not fair I went through hell and back to have my son for him to end up looking so much like you but I’m more than grateful I have him. A year and one frightened mommy later, I realize I still have much more to go through and I am more than ready for it all. I have faced many challenges I never thought I would overcome. But I did and I wouldn’t change anything. God never gives us more than we can bare and mostly without him and my boyfriend, I would not have Alexander. For this I’m thankful.
Mommy loves you Alexander…. Forever and a day